Friday, January 27, 2012

til death do us part...

(A story about marriage & details)

When I got home that night, my wife was serving dinner. I held her hand and said, "I’ve got something to tell you". She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But, I had to let her know... what I was thinking. "I want a divorce". I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "Why?". I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "you are not a man!". That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer. She had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources, and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of rele ase. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom, to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable, I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce", she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed so when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, "Daddy is holding mommy in his arms". His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, "Don’t tell our son about the divorce". I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face and her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. One morning, she was choosing what to wear. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "all my dresses have grown bigger". I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me. She had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously, I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, "Dad, it’ s time to carry mom out". To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, "I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy". I drove to office, jumped out of the car swiftly, without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind. I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, "Sorry Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore". She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. "Do you have a fever", She asked. I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart". Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, 'I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart'. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face. I ran up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed....dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was too busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from whatever negative reaction it would have on our son, in case we pushed through with the divorce. —At least, in the eyes of our son—-I’m a loving husband. THE SMALL DETAILS OF YOUR LIVES ARE WHAT REALLY MATTER IN A RELATIONSHIP. "IT'S NOT" the Mansion or House, the Car, Property, the Money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

beautiful old people are works of art.

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints on your heart.  To handle yourself, use your head; to hande others, use your heart.  Anger is only one letter short of danger.  If someone betrays you once, it is his fault; if he betrays you twice, it is your fault.  Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.  He who loses money, loses much; he who loses a friend, loses much more; he who loses faith, loses all.  Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.  Learn from the mistakes of others.  You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.... There is no beginning or end.  Yesterday is history.  Tomorrow is mystery.  Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.

1. the path is not straight...

1. the path is not straight.
2. mistakes need not be fatal.
3. people are more important than achievements or possessions.
4. be gentle with your parents.
5. never stop doing what you care most about.
6. learn to use a semicolon.
7  you will find love.

-marion winik

The most beautiful people...

Friday, January 13, 2012

The Greatest Generation

I believe in the dwindling generation that some people call our greatest and others simply call “old people.” True, some of them may shuffle when they walk or need their driver’s licenses revoked, but some of my most treasured friends have been recruited from amongst their stoop-shouldered ranks.
I didn’t grow up fearing the elderly. A great-grandmother I can only vaguely remember baked apples filled with warmth, kindness and raisins, and graciously surveyed my clumsy kindergarten artwork. Until I left home I chuckled daily with her daughter, my grandmother, as we searched for silver linings to the clouds of embarrassment. We share a lack of athletic prowess and an awkwardness that once led her to trip down a flight of stairs in front of handsome GI she would have liked to impress, and me to bowl a 21 despite friendly efforts to cheat on my behalf. Years really don’t destroy what human beings have in common.
I marvel at my wise, patient and bright-eyed friends. They have worked hard, done without, and thanked God for the things they were given. They are simple people who split their infinitives, mispronounce for and nuclear, have lost digits in farm-related accidents, and know what it means to be neighborly. They have pinched pennies to buy their children and grandchildren the things they never had, whether they ought to or not. They faced terror and disillusionment in order to paste snapshots of fallen comrades and a genuine swastika armband in their scrapbooks. Many of them are lonely.
They leave a void when they’re gone, but I don’t mind the part of their funerals where you learn that Ruth once chased Max out of her store with a broom for attempting to usher livestock in, and Ephraim was fond of quipping that, “You ain’t never lived ’till you’ve kept a fat, drunk lady on her horse.”
I believe in holding doors open for them, helping them with their groceries, and listening attentively while they brag about long-absent grandchildren and reminisce about the good old days. Someday, I would like to model more than the physical effects of their aging. I hope that I too will have the courage and humility to smile at everyone I meet, and the sense to know what’s really worth worrying about.

Angela - Sugar City, Idaho
Entered on February 21, 2006

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Great Quotes for the New Year

Great Quotes for the New Year
"I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday. They insist on bringing into today the failures of yesterday and in doing so pollute a potentially wonderful day."
- Gary Chapman
An interesting map is on display in the British Museum in London. It's an old mariner's chart, drawn in 1525, outlining the North American coastline and adjacent waters. The cartographer made some intriguing notations on areas of the map that represented regions not yet explored. He wrote: "Here be giants," "Here be fiery scorpions," and "Here be dragons." Eventually, the map came into the possession of Sir John Franklin, a British explorer in the early 1800s. Scratching out the fearful inscriptions, he wrote these words across the map: "Here is God."
- Unknown

"Achievers are resolute in their goals and driven by determination. Discouragement is temporary, obstacles are overcome, and doubt is defeated, yielding to personal victory. You need to overcome the tug of people against you as you reach for high goals. Accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory."
- General George S. Patton

"Nothing will ever be attempted, if all possible objections must first be overcome."
- Samuel Johnson

"Neither a wise man nor a brave man lies down on the tracks of history to wait for the train of the future run over him."
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

"The Bible says, ‘Where there is no vision, the people perish.’ Have you a vision? And are you undeviatingly pressing and pushing toward its accomplishment? Dreaming alone will not get you there. Mix your dreams with determination and action."
- B.C. Forbes

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do...Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain

"The sea is dangerous and its storms terrible, but these obstacles have never been sufficient reason to remain ashore...unlike the mediocre, intrepid spirits seek victory over those things that seem is with an iron will that they embark on the most daring of all meet the shadowy future without fear and conquer the unknown."
- Ferdinand Magellan, Explorer

"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."
- George Bernard Shaw

"The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time."
- Abraham Lincoln

"The world of achievement has always belonged to the optimist."
- J. Harold Wilkins

"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence."
- Helen Keller

"Outlook determines outcome."
- Warren Wiersbe

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
- William Morrow

"Great minds have purposes, others have wishes. Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune; but great minds rise above them."
- Washington Irving

There are two great days in a person's life -- the day we are born and the day we discover why."
- William Barclay

"The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives."
- Albert Schweitzer

"One hundred years from now it will not matter what kind of car I drove, what kind of house I lived in, how much money I had in my bank account, or what my clothes looked like. But one hundred years from now the world may be a little better because I was important in the life of a child."
- Anonymous

"In primitive societies, no one has a watch, but everyone has time. In advanced societies, everyone has a watch, but no one has any time."
- Gerhard Geschwandtner

"You do not move ahead by constantly looking in a rear view mirror. The past is a rudder to guide you, not an anchor to drag you. We must learn from the past but not live in the past."
- Dr. Warren W. Wiersbe

"Live out of your imagination, not your history."
- Stephen R. Covey

"The best way to predict the future is to create it."
- Unknown

Why We Can’t Embrace Every Negative Prediction

"The telephone has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication." (A corporate memo from telegraph operator Western Union, 1876)

"Everything that can be invented, has been invented." (U.S. Patent Office Commissioner Charles Duell, 1899)

"The horse is here to stay, but the automobile is only a novelty – a fad." (The president of the Michigan Savings Bank advising Henry Ford’s lawyer Horace Rackham not to invest in the Ford Motor Company. 1903)

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" (Response from associates of RCA founder David Sarnoff, circa 1920’s, when he proposed investing in the young radio industry)

"[Television] won’t be able to hold on to any market it captures after the first six months. People will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night." (Twentieth Century-Fox studio boss Darryl F. Zanuck, 1946)

"There will never be a bigger plane built." (A Boeing engineer after the first flight of the 247, a twin-engine plane that carried ten people)

"With over 50 foreign cars already on sale here, the Japanese auto industry isn’t likely to carve out a big slice of the U.S. market." (Business Week, August 2, 1968)

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C’ the idea must be feasible." (Yale University management professor’s comment on a paper written by Fred Smith proposing an overnight delivery service, circa early 1970’s. Smith went on to start Federal Express)

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." (Ken Olsen, President of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977)

"That kid can’t play baseball." (Milwaukee Braves minor league manager Tommy Holmes, 1952, appraising Henry Aaron, who went on to break Babe Ruth’s all-time record for home runs)

"He’ll never be any good." (Baltimore Colts owner Robert Irsay, 1983, evaluating future Pro Bowl and Super Bowl champion quarterback John Elway)

"You will never amount to very much." (A Munich teacher to a ten-year-old Albert Einstein, 1889)

"Can’t act. Can sing. Balding. Can dance a little." (MGM executive, 1929, about Fred Astaire’s screen test)

"You ain’t going nowhere, son. You ought to go back to driving a truck." (Grand Ole Opry manager Jim Denny, 1954, firing Elvis Presley after one performance)

"We don’t like" their sound. Groups of guitars are on their way out." (Decca Recording Company, 1962, upon turning down the Beatles)

"Get rid of the pointed ears guy." (NBC television executive to Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry, 1966, recommending the new show eliminate the Vulcan character Mr. Spock)

More Great Stories
At the beginning of a new year, a high school principal decided to post his teachers’ new year’s resolutions on the bulletin board. As the teachers gathered around the bulletin board, a great commotion started. One of the teachers was complaining. "Why weren’t my resolutions posted?" She was throwing such a temper tantrum that the principal hurried to his office to see if he had overlooked her resolutions. Sure enough, he had mislaid them on his desk. As he read her resolutions he was astounded. This teacher’s first resolution was not to let little things upset her in the New Year.
Last year when I called my parents to wish them a happy New Year, my dad answered the phone. "Well, Dad, what’s your New Year’s resolution?" I asked him. "To make your mother as happy as I can all year," he answered proudly. Then mom got on, and I said, "What’s your resolution, Mom?" "To see that your dad keeps his New Year’s resolution."
Charles Schultz, in a peanuts comic strip showed a conversation between Lucy and Charlie Brown. Lucy said that life is like a deck chair. Some place it so they can see where they are going; some place it so they can see where they have been; and some place it so they can see where they are at present. Charlie Brown’s reply: "I can’t even get mine unfolded."
A boy told his father, "Dad, if three frogs were sitting on a limb that hung over a pool, and one frog decided to jump off into the pool, how many frogs would be left on the limb?"
The dad replied, "Two."
"No," the son replied. "There’s three frogs and one decides to jump, how many are left?"
The dad said, "Oh, I get it, if one decides to jump, the others would too. So there are none left."
The boy said, "No dad, the answer is three. The frog only DECIDED to jump."
Does that sound like last year’s resolution? Great inspiration and great resolutions, but often times we only decide, and months later we are still on the same limb of do-nothing.

Some thoughts for the new year...

Some thoughts for the new year...

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is God & ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
If you don't send this to at least 8 people.... who cares?

George Carlin